Week 16 TROUBLE by Jack

So you have all heard of Fortnite –  yes – well this isn’t a true story.
One day a guy was walking to his seat in the epic games code room for Fortnite. He sat down and started typing as usual but this guy was tired that day and he wrote a wrong bit of code.  He accidentally broke Fortnite! So no one could play it and of course, his boss noticed before he did because he was getting a lot of complaints from streamers so he told the guy to fix what he had done and leave the room when he was done because he was fired. The guy was angry as he had only made one mistake.
So he did what he was told but before he left the room he poured a bottle of pink bubbles into the room until it was empty. Then he threw the bottle at his boss and hopped onto his fellow coder’s bike and cycled away as quick as he could.

7 thoughts on “Week 16 TROUBLE by Jack”

  1. Hi Jack,
    I know a lot of children who will be happy to hear that this story is not true! I really enjoyed your story and you have used a very topcial and interesting setting for your writing.
    Well done.
    Ms Brennock
    Team 100 w/c

  2. Dear Jack –

    My name is Trey, and I am a 7th grader in Chicago, IL. I really enjoyed reading your piece, and I thought that it was a really interesting concept. I do agree with Dylan, though, that the piece didn’t flow very well. I would recommend using more descriptive vocab in the future to really make the reader feel like they are there with the main character. One other thing I would recommend is to proofread and make sure all you’re spelling and grammar are correct. Overall, I really liked it!

    Keep Writing! – Trey T.

  3. Interesting story I really like it! Victory royale! The only thing I noticed was there were almost no comas so just be careful for that. But great story!

  4. I think your story was interesting,and shocking…the way he threw the empty bottle of bubbles on his boss,that’s what shook me a lot,his boss must have never taken him again.But anyway I really enjoyed reading your story and keep up the good work!

  5. This is… interesting. I’m curious as to why you put the disclaimer at the beginning, but that doesn’t even matter that much. It seemed kind of… clunky, though. It just… didn’t flow right to me. That doesn’t make it bad, but it just… takes away from your story. It has it’s nice bits, as well. It’s a good idea, and it was actually enjoyable to read!
    Your buddy, Dylan.

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