Week 18 The Chase by Gary

I looked back over my shoulder and to my relief, he was gone. I had been running for a half an hour.

It all started when I went to the new newsagent’s shop which was mauve. I opened up the door which was so heavy it was like pushing steel. I only had to buy milk and carrots but even that was tough as the shop was so messy.

After I left the shop I noticed someone behind seemed to be running at me. I started running but he kept following me. I decided to hide under a bush. Suddenly I heard rustling behind me. When I turned around I was staring at the barrel of a gun…..

9 thoughts on “Week 18 The Chase by Gary”

  1. I really enjoyed your story this week. I can really sense your panic as you were running away. You’ve left us hanging though! I need to know what happened next!

  2. Hi Gary
    I really enjoyed your story this week
    * I liked your story because the way you did your story different than anyone else.
    *I liked your adjectives and your punctuation.
    – You forgot to use one of the prompt.
    ? So what happens to the guy.
    ~ Your story reminded of a movie I saw.

    -Ellen P

  3. Hi Gary,
    Your 100 word challenge this week was amazing.
    star; great adjectives and punctuation.
    star; superb on describing things.
    star; really good title.
    wish/ you could use the 5 words that were given.
    It reminds me of when I was younger.
    question/ did you go to the shop with anyone.

    but overall you did an amazing job and please check my story at http://smppspower.weebly.com/100-wc-week-18/hannah-le.

  4. Hey! Good story and I like that you described something that could actually happen in the real world. I have some points about your writing which might help to improve it. Firstly then you use the … in your text- it should only actually be three dots. It is a small thing but its a nice grammar point. I like the fact that you use ‘ing’ words, it creates a dynamic piece of writing. It is good that you included ‘mauve’ in your paragraph but it feels a bit clumpy how you have used it, why not just say- ‘mauve door’. This just allows you some extra words and would flow a bit better. Also you said ‘new newsagents’ which is also a bit clumpy, perhaps you could pick a different adjective that has a different sound as that can be a bit confusing for your readers. Also brilliant imagery with ‘it was like pushing steel’. Very impressive.

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