Week 18: War-Torn by Jack

Petrified and worried, shaking and frightened, the sight of the war-torn, hostile street made Hazel shiver. She had lived in this same street for thirteen years and now, everything, everyone, was gone.

Hazel palpitated under her mauve rags. “The war ruined it all. Everyone, everything, it’s all gone,” she cried gazing at the tearful, demolished scene, at the same time nibbling on her only source of food, carrots. The only thing she had left, was a picture of the one thing she wished she had right now; her family.

With that she, took out another picture, this time of her best friend, Albert, who had a heart of steel. He was always there for her, whenever she needed him; every time, except now.

Bereft and crestfallen, she looked around and thought, “No matter where, home is home. But what’s a home without a family?”

27 thoughts on “Week 18: War-Torn by Jack”

  1. wow what a great story great adjectives and you have a chance of winning keep up the good work

  2. Hi Jack
    Your story is amazing I haven’t seen better than this.Even the war novels that I read don’t have a chance against your master piece.Its as if you got the words from God himself.
    Mrs Boyce class

  3. Hello Jack.
    Your story this week was good my favorite part of this story was when you said “No matter where, home is home But what’s home without a family?”
    This reminds me of a video on YouTube and he sings about his dead mother and when you listen to it you’ll feel sad.

  4. Well done Jack with the showcase
    keep up the good work i also liked the words you used

  5. Hi Jack
    That was a really sad story
    I loved the way you used some great words like Brefet an Crestfallen
    It reminded me of World War Two were loads of people lost their homes and families
    It got me wondering how did the girl’s family die
    Congratulations for getting picked for a showcase

  6. Hi Jack.
    An amazing story you wrote this week.
    This reminds me of a book called 1916.
    I loved the end of it, it was a powerful and sad ending.
    Also, well done for showcase.
    Keep up the good work.
    Mrs Boyces Class
    By Aivaras

  7. Hi Jack Fantastic story
    I loved reading it!
    I loved how you set it in a war
    I liked how you said what is a home without a family
    I wonder what did you do after?
    What war was it?
    Amazing story bye Shane F

  8. Hi Jack, Great story.
    I like how you started and finished the story.
    Well done on being showcased.
    Keep up the good work.
    Shane C 5th.

  9. well done Jack
    I liked your story
    is Albert a boy or a girl.
    please comment on my story called my nightmare.
    your sincerely Julius.

  10. Hi Jack amazing Story.
    How many showcases do you have?
    This was an amazing story.
    Keep up the great work.
    David 5th.

  11. Hi Jack,
    Congrats on the showcase.
    Well done.
    I really loved reading this.
    Keep up the good work.
    Dylan K

  12. Hi jack.
    Amazing story.
    Well done on being showcased.
    In this story you gave a lot of detail it was like we were at the war.
    Bye Bryan

  13. Hi Jack,
    I loved your story,
    I can’t imagine how sad it would be if you were all alone in a country that was in bits from a war,
    Everything in your story was perfectly described so I could picture it well,
    Keep up the good work- Kayden

  14. Wow this is a brilliant story I love the way you said some very detailed words.
    Its a very god story and I think you might be showcased!
    come visit my blog at Ms O’Keeffe class.

  15. Hi Jack
    I’ve just read all of the super comments that you have received and I agree with everything that has been said. The time and effort that you have put into this really shines through as it is, once again, an incredibly well written piece. I particularly liked your closing sentence, it was very powerful.
    Miss T
    Stockbridge, England

  16. Jack, your stories never disappoint and this one lives up to your usual high standard. You set the scene so well I almost feel as though I’m there in the midst of it all. I can really feel the despair coming through …. You are an excellent writer Jack and this deserves showcase – AGAIN!

  17. Hi Jack I really liked your story this week
    * Great story line and adjectives.
    *I also like your grammar and punctuation.
    – Try not to go over 100 words next time.
    ?What is he going to do next.
    -Ellen P

  18. well done jack you did a really nice story.
    star: good adjectives.
    star: and good punctuation.
    wish: I don’t have one with is good.
    ?: was her family alive.

  19. Hi, outstanding story. You used brilliant vocabulary and made the situation seem so real! I have nothing bad to say about it. It would be so awful to be in Hazel’s shoes. I wouldn’t know what to do! Great job on your story. You really worked hard on it.

  20. Hi Jack I really enjoyed your story this week. I think this story is a winner.
    *** Amazing paragraphing, adjectives, punctuation and sentence openers.
    WISH: I have no wish for you because your story was brilliant.
    *** Very descriptive.
    QUESTION: What happened Hazel’s family?
    Keep up the Incredible work. And if you get a chance could you please check out my story and tell me what you think at: http://smppspower.weebly.com/100-wc-week-18/rebecca#comments

  21. Well done Jack! This week you have made us think about the futility of war. It effects all ages.
    Great work this week!

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