Week 2: Murder mystery by Dylan

Come on! I shouted to Conor as he slowed down.

There he was- the guy with the knife. He grabbed Conor. He pulled Conor into a corner and all that came out was blood.

No! I shouted.

That’s when I realised he had vanished.

I’ll get you for this! I shouted. I went to the police station. The place was a mess. All that was left was a bucket of sweets. Then I saw him again. I fled for my life. This time I realised it was killer Adam.

Oh no. It’s over. I’m dead. I ran as long as I could. Then he appeared in front of me….

18 thoughts on “Week 2: Murder mystery by Dylan”

  1. Hi Dylan! I liked how your story was kind of creepy. It’s crazy and also sad on how many people get murdered each year. I once read a book about someone being murdered on the moon. Maybe next time try and use a little less paragraphs. I think you could have crammed some together.
    Max in Illinois, U.S

  2. *We really liked how your story was very unique, it was very different to any story we have ever read.
    *We were able to visualise your story in our minds because you used a lot of description to help the reader, well done.
    Wish: Remember to use speech marks for when people are talking (direct speech).
    E.g. “No!” I shouted.
    We are wondering, was the killer ever caught?
    (-) This story reminds Rehmat of a computer that he played before.

    Well done for writing a great story, our class really enjoyed reading it today in class.
    Keep up the great writing,
    Ms. Power
    St. Mary’s Parish Primary School

  3. Hi Dylan

    I loved the way your writing started, you pulled me right into the heart of the action. You have such a lot happening in your writing, I can see that you must have a great imagination.

    I look forward to reading more of your work in the future,

    Miss T
    Stockbridge school

  4. A great piece of writing Dylan. You’ve done a great job building up the tension. I was on the edge of my seat reading it. Well done.

  5. I really like your story, it had amazing adjectives and your students writing is unbelievably good well done!

  6. I like the way you started with a big bang and I hope you do more.

    From Fortune in Mr.Russell’s class

  7. What a terrifying ending Dylan! I hope that you managed to escape safely. You built up a great sense of tension in your story and I really enjoyed reading it this week. Well done!

    Mr. Russell
    Team 100

  8. Creepy story Dylan I liked the part where Conor gets pulled away never to be seen again

    By Caoilan

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