Week 20: Alone With A Murderer by Jack

“Come out, come out,” came the hostile, demanding voice. Trapped under a bed, alone with a murderer, my heart pounding. I had tried to warn them, but cruelly they just laughed at me. Nobody ever believed me….. Suddenly a shiver came down my spine.


The noise was SO loud, I could feel my ears about to fall off. The murderer was totally destroying the place – looking for me, though when I looked around me all I saw was blood…

Petrified, I watched the pair of feet, constantly tapping impatiently, as if he were expecting me to reveal myself. Eventually, he moved slowly into the bathroom. My heart lifted, as I approached the door, until I twisted the doorknob; Locked…….


29 thoughts on “Week 20: Alone With A Murderer by Jack”

  1. Hey Jack,
    Amazing story this week I loved reading it. It is so jam packed and exciting. Great plot, you really described the scene well I might add.
    This reminds me of one time, when I was about to go to sleep. Suddenly I heard footsteps come closer and closer. Then I realised. It was just my dad.
    You were very unlucky to find the door locked. What is your next move?
    Bye. Liam.

  2. Hi Jack,
    I loved your story,
    All of your stories that are similar to this are excellent,
    Keep up the good work and congratulations on the showcase,
    – Kayden

  3. Hi Jack
    That was a brilliant story
    I loved the way you finished your story with an excellent cliffhanger
    It reminded me of a movie called The Murderer
    It got me thinking how did the murderer end up at your place??
    Congratulations on getting picked for a showcase
    Laurynas, Mrs Boyce class.

  4. Hi Jack
    Brilliant story!
    I nearly got scared reading this!
    Did the murderer hear you lock the door?
    Well done on the showcase and I look forward to reading more stories just like this!
    By Calum

  5. Hi Jack.
    This story was amazing.
    Your choice of words were so good that it was like I was there beside you the whole time.
    Your writing every week is very consistant and you always deliver A great story keep up using the good vocabulary and the sounds.
    By Bryan

  6. Hi Jack Fantastic story
    I loved reading it !
    I loved how you set the scene at the start
    I wonder who’s blood was it?
    Why was the murder trying to murder you?
    I loved you used the prompt
    Amazing story congratulations on showcase Bye Shane F

  7. Hi Jack well done on the showcase.
    You must have been so scared.
    Will you right a part two?
    What happened after the door was locked?
    Great story?
    David 5th.

  8. Hi Jack,
    really liked that the story was about a murderer,
    hopefuly that the murderer won’t bust in. You proubly make the best
    murderer storys, by Kacper

  9. Jack!!! Even your title is scary. You’ve done a great job with the prompt. I was hoping everything might turn out well in the end, but I don’t think that it did!
    Your story is very well written. There is great tension in the story. You’ve used some great vocabulary and adjectives. This is my favourite sentence, ”Petrified, I watched the pair of feet, constantly tapping impatiently, as if he were expecting me to reveal myself”. I can picture the scene so clearly! AAAhhhhh!
    Very well done.

  10. Excellent story Jack. Great use of adjectives and descriptive verbs. We really enjoyed reading your story here in St.Molua’s NS. We would like to know what happens next.

  11. WOW jack your story this was fantastic this week

    Star=love your title this it was great

    wish=no wish

    star= great punctuation

    link = your story remind me of story I read

    keep the good work up jack what will happen next

  12. Hi Jack
    I loved your story { like every week }
    i love your writing each week and i really think you should become an author
    your story this week was amazing and i think it is going to be another winner of the 100 word challenge
    star; you used amazing adjectives through out your entire story
    star no.2; you kept the story tense and that’s what makes a great story
    star no.3; your story is really going to be a winner Jack
    wish; I have no wish for you jack because your story has absolutely no flaws
    link; I have a link to your story because every time I am home alone I hear noises my door then slowly creeps open and no-one is there but then I look down and realize its only my silly little dog
    my question for you is; where did you get the idea to write the story
    well done again jack your story was amazing
    I would love it if you could check out my story at …
    kind regards,
    Sophie F.

  13. Well done Jack, you made great use of the prompt and included some fantastic vocabulary. You ended your story on such a thrilling cliffhanger, I wonder what happened next!

  14. Another super piece of work Jack. It was a real thriller of a story and reminded me of scene from a film. Your use of vocabulary is excellent – as always. You laid out your story really well too. I’m already looking forward to next week’s offering.

  15. Hi Jack I can’t believe how good your storys are getting each week.

    Star, the range of adjectives were magnificent.
    Star, the start of your story was really good.
    Star, you have put in a lot of effort each week to make sure your sentences are strong.
    Wish: none because it was fantastic.

    But overall, you did a amazing job and hopefully you will get picked to win so good luck.

  16. Hi Jack
    Your story was AMAZING! This week
    Star-Your plot and adjectives was brilliant.
    Star-I liked your grammar and your punctuation.
    Star- I also loved your verbs and up leveled vocabulary.
    Wish-No wish
    Your story reminded me of a TV show I watched.
    So what are you going to do next?

  17. Hi Jack! Your story this week was very good. It was scary too. I’m intrigued to read what happened next. You described the murder’s actions well. Your paragraphs were spaced well. Great sentence openers. Good job this week. I’m excited to see your next story next week.

    From Aideen 🙂

  18. What a thrilling story, Jack! I could feel the tension coming off my screen – and I was on the edge of my seat reading this! Of course, that was because of the excellent use of words which made the whole story so tense. Super work – keep it up!

  19. Great story Jack!
    Your story was truly amazing yet again!
    I loved the wide range of adjectives and punctuation that you used this week
    No wish at all this week, your story was outstanding as usual and I look forward to seeing your name in the special showcase this week.
    – Dearbhla

    Also, if you have the time it would be great if you could comment on my story. It’ll be up tomorrow

    Goodbye! 🙂

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