Week 20 Unpleasant Idea: By Naglis

“I want to rob the bank” insisted my pompous chubby boss, Isaac.

“We can’t” I roared back. “We will get caught. “

I didn’t want to go but I had to. At last we got there. Isaac slurped the last of his Slushy.   Cautiously we tiptoed over to where all the cash was. Suddenly we spotted a bright light flickering in the distance. Isaac broke all the cameras and boasted “I’m the best.”

“Yes I know” I sighed.

When we got the money we tiptoed back. Soon we saw a guard. We were moving very fast when the guard was chasing us. We stopped at a dead end.

What would we do now?

6 thoughts on “Week 20 Unpleasant Idea: By Naglis”

  1. Hello Naglis,
    The verbs you chose were engaging. They add depth and strength to your writing. Using precise selections like ‘insisted’ roared’ ‘slurped’ and ‘boasted’ paints vibrant images for your reader.
    Even though you did not explain what your boss looked like, you did a marvelous job of developing his character. The adjectives you infused created a vivid picture of Isaac.
    One way to make your writing even better might be to tighten up your story and make a few small eliminations that would give you more spots to add descriptions. Your piece is really wonderful. There is not much that really needs to be changed.
    The ending was exactly what you had warned Isaac about!
    Thank you for sharing your creativity,
    Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)

  2. Well done on writing this story. I found the part about Isaac slurping the slushy especially entertaining.

  3. This is a great story this week – well done Naglis!
    I like how you describe your pompous boss slurping his Slushy.
    I’m nearly hoping he’ll be caught! ( Not you…of course)

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