Week 23: War Wandering by Jack

Aghast. Petrified. Angered.

Serena gazed in horror as the towns population rapidly decreased. It was remarkable……but not in the good way.

The war; hostile, unforgiving, depressing. Fleeing from gruesome sights, she sped away as the bite of the wind swept underneath her yellow rags, palpitating as it froze her body. Gingerly, Serena crept around a corner, hoping that being confronted by a soldier wouldn’t happen. She had no where to go; no home, no family, no love…..

Peeping behind her, she quickly discovered that she was being followed. Panting for breath, she dashed down a nearby alley, hoping to disappear into the darkness of it, however the chances of being spotted were extremely vast. Hopefully luck would be on her side…..


19 thoughts on “Week 23: War Wandering by Jack”

  1. Hi jack,
    great piece of writing this week. in our class we always see if you win the showcase because you win it most weeks. you have a great sense of suspense and urgency in your writing and it creates a great mood i also like your cliff hanger great piece this week.

  2. i jack nice story good choice words the i have been followed i like that good story well done!=) =) =) YAAAAAAAAA

  3. I love the way you use words on their own in sentences! It really puts so much more drama into it
    good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. WOW!! Jack your story was fantastic this .

    Star= great sentences opener

    Star= Great verbs



    keep the good work up!!

  5. Well Done Jack, Your story is so good that I am going to choose it as my winner.
    You used great punctuation and sentence openers and really great adjectives.
    I really liked the way your story was so creative.
    I liked the way you left your story as a cliffhanger but the bad thig now is that i really want to see what happens next.
    I really hope you win this week.
    You deserve to be showcased so much.

    Kind Regards

  6. Hi Jack. Excellent story this week. I really enjoyed it.
    Superb paragraphing. Amazing grammar. Great punctuation.
    I think your story should be a winner this week because I spotted no mistakes and you used your five words extremely well. I really liked the way you left us on a cliffhanger at the end.
    Who was following her? Why?
    This reminds me of a horror film.
    Well done! Keep up the OUTSTANDING work!


  7. well done jack great story this week i am blown your soo good.
    I think with no doubt you should be this weeks winner.
    keep it up!

  8. Great story Jack, I think yours should win because you not only added amazing adjectives. But you upleveled the words and punctuation that you used. Great story!

  9. Brilliant story, amazing. You had superb punctuation, very up levelled vocabulary, and great sentence openers. You really know how to get inside your readers and toy with their emotions. You are a very talented writer. I think you could win this week. Keep up the outstanding work and well done.

  10. I think your story should win because you had brilliant punctuation and explanation and good adjectives

  11. wow jack
    yet another amazing story as usual i loved your way of looking at the prompt
    no.1 star; great descriptions of places and charactors
    no.2 star; amazing punctuation
    no.3 star; great adjectives and details
    wish; no wish
    question; does someone spot selena hiding in the allyway
    link; that past couple of weeks in school we have been learning about the 1916 easter rising and your story reminded me of that because of all the war and the way that selena is dressed in rags
    your story is another amazing one this week witch is way i think you should win because jack when i read your storys i automaticly can tell you put your 100 % best effort into it and i really think you should be an author because if i am truely honest reading your stories is the highlight of my week and it just really cheers me up in general ( not that i am in bad mood but still )
    I hope that by me selecting your story makes that tiny difference to get you on the special showcase
    i would be grateful if you could check out my 100 wc at
    best of luck from Sophie F.

  12. Well done Jack! Another super story this week.
    I can’t help but feel sorry for Serena.
    I’m hoping that someone in the midst of that war will show her some love and kindness and take her in.

  13. Hi Jack great story this week
    STAR:Very well written and outstanding adjectives
    WISH:No wishes since your story was amazing
    STAR:Your style of writing really inspired me and you used great grammar
    ???:Was Serena a child or an adult?
    Maybe you can comment on my story.
    here is the link

  14. Hi Jack. Great story. You had good punctuation and a good vocabulary. You left a cliffhanger and I want to read more of your story. How old was Serena? Did she have memories of her family? Was Serena spotted? Your story reminded me of a video I saw. It would be great if you could comment on my story. Her is the link.
    Well done this week.

    From Aideen ???

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