Week 26 The Game by: Tadhg

I walked happily onto the pitch. I could hear the roaring of the crowd in my ears. I then saw the opposition. They were all as huge as boulders . I then knew that this wasn’t going to be a clean game. The other team was definitely going to win.

As they passed by I heard them laughing at me. Then the whistle blew they had the ball and scored straight away. I was so cross that I lashed out and kicked their best player in the shin. The referee blew the whistle and it was a red card. I stormed off the pitch with rage.

5 thoughts on “Week 26 The Game by: Tadhg”

  1. I think that overall the story was very well written and the way you described the other team was very nice, but the vocab word “cross” seemed like it was put in as an afterthought and did not really work well in the story.

  2. Dear Tadhg,

    That was a really good story as the story was really descriptive on what things you described. Such as the players as of how they were ‘big’ as boulders. That was a good story, but some things I would fix that you should’ve put a where it took place as some people aren’t gonna know what type of game you are playing, But overall good story.

  3. Dear Tadhg,

    An interesting story! Here are some points I think you should be proud of:
    – You used an imaginative simile: “They were all as huge as boulders”
    – Your use of adjectives helped me to understand how you did things: “happily”, “stormed”
    – You used paragraphs to clearly divide the story and topics.

    How could you start sentences in an exciting way? Words such as ‘surprisingly’, ‘unfortunately’, ‘interestingly’, and ‘suddenly’ are a great way to open sentences. For example: “Suddenly, the opposing team burst through the doors. They all were as huge as boulders.”

    Keep up the good work!

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