Week 27 We’re out by Matthew D

The prison guard’s key was on his belt and when Tom saw it he grabbed it immediately. The prisoners waited until he was gone.

“He’s gone,” said Jim.

“Open the cell door, ” Tom ordered to Brian.

“We’re out lads,” whispered Tom.

As they walked down the clean white hall Jim knocked over a  brown rusty bucket. An alarm filled the prison. Now the prison guards would already have left their tea and biscuits and be rushing to catch them. Although they ran quickly, they were still not making enough progress and just that very minute a prison guard jumped out and said: ” Back to the cell boys!”

13 thoughts on “Week 27 We’re out by Matthew D”

  1. Matthew D., I liked how you used the prompt. You didn’t just put it at the front, you incorporated it into the overall story. Overall your dialogue was great! Your whole story was compelling and fun to read.

  2. Very nice job, your story was interesting and intriguing story. One suggestion for improvement is show a flawed character and show a change in him by the end of the story.

  3. Matthew D,
    You did a very good job describing the setting and main goal of the characters in your story. I very much liked the plot and think that your description of events definitely helped to move the story along.

  4. Hi Matthew D,
    I am Joshua your story was very well written and a good read. You were pretty descriptive but next time check your words. You wrote just a little too much. All together it was good. Go comment on my story @http://crazywrititng.weebly.com/100-word-challenge/100-word-challenge7089133

  5. Hello Matthew D,
    I loved how your story flowed, of how Jim got the key to the point when they had to go back into their cell. I was clearly able to picture the scene that they were in with your details. You’re going to be a great writer one day Matthew. Keep up the good work.

    Sincerely Carter Wood,
    of Skinner School.

  6. Hello Matthew D,
    I think that this is a great piece. I like the dialogue and description of the setting. I noticed one thing, however, that the setting wasn’t as clear in the beginning, and I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. But despite that, this is still a great piece. The way you set up the plot was great, and I like how you incorporated the prompt into your piece. Keep up the good work!

  7. Hello! I liked this short story you wrote. I loved it how the prisoners would try so hard to escape. Keep up the good work!

  8. Hi Matthew!
    I loved your 100 word challenge. You really used words to paint the picture that you wanted us to see. I like the descriptive words, like “the alarm filled the prison” and the humor, like the officers having tea and biscuits on the job. One thing you could improve on is the flow of your writing. Adding commas would definitely boost the quality a lot. Otherwise, the piece was excellent. I loved every bit of it!
    -Alec

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