Week 30: Naughty Neighbours By Naglis

Through my binoculars I could see my new suspicious neighbours having a spot of tea. Next the man-Gerald just couldn’t stop laughing. I had to find out what was going on. At last I darted to their door. I crept in, peeped around looking for clues and I spotted the same cup of tea that put Gerald in peals of laughter. I heard the pair talking to each other.

“We have to test a drug on a child.”

I was listening open-mouthed. I turned around then spotted the lady who put chloroform on my nose. I woke up in a dark dreary room. “What are you going to do to me?” 

3 thoughts on “Week 30: Naughty Neighbours By Naglis”

  1. If I were part of the esteemed community of famous reviewers, I could genuinely say that this is a 10/10. But alas, I’m not the one who decides those things. It had pacing, it has a unique narrative, and it has just the right amount of word usage to make you able to visualize the scene, but is left vague enough to let you imagine on your own a completely unique scene with only some key details the same. Something that you might what to work on is character dialogue. For example, “We have to test a drug on a child.”
    can be turned into something with more personality, like “It seems as if we may have to test a drug on a child, I pity so their future.”.

  2. Wow! I liked your story. It was intense and I want to find out what happened next.

  3. Hi Naglis,

    What a suspenseful story! Here are some points I thought really brought your work to life:
    – Your excellent use of adjectives, such as ‘darted’ and ‘crept’. At times, this changed the pace of the story which I felt added suspense and made the narrative dynamic.
    – Your use of varied punctuation.
    – Your cliff-hanger ending.

    Great work!

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