Week 32 The Race By Ronan

It was the morning of the New York marathon. I was extremely worried because if I didn’t win this race I would have to give my running nemesis €30,000 but if I won he would also have to give me € 30,000.

At the starting line, we both lined up next to each other and waited for the race to start. When it finally did start my nemesis took off at the speed of sound. Instead of doing that, I took the start nice and slow and tried to preserve my energy for the end. When we finally reached the last leg of the race we were neck and neck.

I thought about pushing him over but would this really be the right thing to do I thought to myself.

2 thoughts on “Week 32 The Race By Ronan”

  1. Hello from England, Ronan!
    What an engaging story. There was lots at stake here and I like the dilemma you introduced at the beginning – who would win the money? You sounded noble to start with, reminding me of the famous fable the tortoise and the hare, but then at the end, you left me wondering if you were a good person or not!
    I would love to see you using commas to more effect. There are places that you could have added a comma to increase the drama. Can you spot where?
    There are a few places in your writing where you repeat yourself too (starting line and lined up), could you think of a different way of writing this?
    Keep writing and keep running!
    Mrs Badge
    Leicester, England
    Team 100 WC

  2. As you know, anything Marathon related gets my attention immediately …so I loved your story.
    There were very high stakes on this race – a lot to win …or lose!
    That was some pressure on you! That would explain your thoughts at the end…But I’m sure you wouldn’t push him …
    Or would you?

    Keep up the great work, Ronan. Well done!

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