Week 34 SPLASH By Danny

One lovely Spring day  I was sitting on a bridge in the centre of the town that I lived in eating my ice-cream sprinkled with marshmallows. Suddenly I saw a man coming towards me wearing a black mask. He looked like a robber so I ran home.

When I went in I saw a bunch of daffodils on the table in the hallway. After a few hours at home, I went back to the bridge but just then it collapsed and there was a huge splash. I got a bit of a fright when it collapsed so I went home.

One thought on “Week 34 SPLASH By Danny”

  1. Hi Danny,

    I really liked your story! It has very few spelling mistakes, and it was also great to see that you remember lots of important writing rules such as using a capital “I” and a comma! Very well done!

    I think you should read this story aloud to yourself. Put yourself in the readers shoes- can they understand what is happening? Where is the story going, and what is the link between these events? Doing this can make it easier to write a more cohesive story!

    By the way, I think you forgot to use one word- pink! Maybe the mans balaclava could be pink instead?

    Keep on writing!

    Ana, Team 100, Oxford, England

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