Week:20 The Escape By Mikolaj

BOOM

Suddenly we were moving very fast when our boat crashed into rocks. My friends and I robbed all the banks in NY so we were in cages to travel to the most secure jail. We saw water coming in so we pushed the bars out and broke them. We went out of the boat. At least all of us knew how to swim home.

The captain said, “Everybody on the boat – go on this lifeboat NOW.”

But we didn’t want to go on the lifeboat because they would throw us out of it anyway.

4 thoughts on “Week:20 The Escape By Mikolaj”

  1. Hi Mikolaj,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is an opening that describes how you were moving very fast. While you use the prompt immediately to good effect, you describe suspenseful setting of a boat crash that captivates the reader. By letting the plot be known in the first sentence, the suspenseful tale of a boat crash, you create a structure which gives the piece stability. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This topic of boats is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have been on one at some points in their lives. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too have experienced taking a ride on a boat before. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as the sound of the crash ‘boom’, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like the character’s transfer to jail demonstrates great imagination and is very fitting in the setting. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. You describe your escape from the cage, which holds the reader in suspense, developing the story even more. With the option of getting on the boat or the potential to drown in the stormy seas, you choose the later at fear of getting caught again, and this leaves the piece on an effective cliff-hanger. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the quotation marks. Keep up the good work!

  2. This is a great story this week Mikolaj – Well done!
    I think you’ve probably made the right decision – staying in the water.
    After all that you deserve to be free…I think…

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